My son sent me a video called WORK today.
Oh my God this kid. I love him so much. I make every effort not to poop on his "I dunno" attitude toward the question "Anything cool happen today?" I recognize myself in him. He does what he's supposed to do, but he doesn't have his heart in it. He has a beautiful heart, I've seen it dance, smile, joke and draw - and I've seen him struggle with the compliance part of living this life and how it doesn't align with what makes his heart happy.
He sends me videos that he finds and often they punctuate seasons of self-reflection with what I like to think of as proof. For instance.
I've decided that I have been depressed. I haven't been too secretive about it. I've been clear about it, although what I've learned in this culture has discouraged me from taking any action short of "pulling it together and showing up for life".
I did that as long as I could do it until I couldn't do it anymore. If you don't listen to your body and your heart, they will get louder.
It comes out in alarming ways that you can't ignore. WHOAH, you think... I can't put this off anymore. So I stepped away from my normal routine. For a break. To reconnect with God, with my heart. To feed myself Spirit in a way that my usual weekly environment cannot provide. It's one thing when your environment doesn't provide nourishment and care. It's another entirely when, over time, you allow it to deplete you of ANY nourishment you may have provided yourself or brought with you.
It's nobody's fault. This life is a clusterfu-dge and we can only be where we are. Until we become aware and willing to do something different. Everyone wants to be free of pain and be happy. Folks everywhere are doing the best they can with what they understand. Period.
My son sent me a video. I'm choosing to rest, and play and pray and create as I take a break. Rest, play and pray. Create. REPEAT.
I want to play around AND I want a paycheck.
I believe that if I focus on God and Joy, the moon shoes will come.