Surrender



Little girl I didn't know how to comfort you when we were there, back then.

By December of 1980 the software that would produce your life had been downloaded

to your tiny frame.

You bit the insides of your cheeks in every photo.

You must have known you were in for quite a ride.

Other peoples ideas

Absorbed.

You moved through life a knee-high dependent listening and emulating. Watching.

Acquiring cadences and body language as you mirrored taller humans.

I do remember that you questioned things.

How many questions will a child ask when each is answered with silence?

A look of confusion

Nothingness.

Am I here?

I recall also, some things you did not question.

Little girl the big outside always at such conflict with soft inside of you.

and so you turned to God.

but not in a building.

Inside yourself, where no one could see.

and in the pages

of your diary.

You felt the strongest proximity in your soul and the wind and trees.

Whether on a bicycle, under street light, or wishing you were big enough to

break.

up.

a.

fight.

God was there. With you, inside you and you were not alone.

You knew that.

You loved so big.

You could 'see' so much.

You wanted others to see too.

they told you to stop talking so much.

hide your report card.

God held space, but people couldn't.

They didn't understand you.

And you never learned to believe you.

So you believed them.

When they said you were good. bad. pretty. lovable and not.

Am I here?

They wanted to be close to you. Know you. Touch you. Taste you.

Because

they couldn't understand you.

Little girl.

You had "IT".

Many said so.

But you cowered.

You apologized for having IT shine in the presence of others

who did not have IT.

they stood close enough to feel yours

then

they took IT.

Little girl, I didn't know how to comfort you when we were there, back then.

But we've endured.

We kept faith and we've survived some things and I need to tell you.

IT is still yours.

No amount of the world playing Hot Potato with TRUTH has devalued IT.

TRUTH shining through the prism of YOU creates the IT people have seen from you your whole life.

God shining through the prism of YOU.

Creates.

IT.

You let the world get between The Shine and the prism.

You never learned to believe you.

So you got confused.

You believed them and you surrendered yourself.

Depression is the dinner bell for your soul.

Starved of Spirit.

Hungry to return to itself.

Enough.

You are HERE.

I see you.

I hear you.

Be IT.


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© COPYRIGHT  |  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED  |  Jen SluMac  |  soulnotskin  |  2016 - 2021