Why does it seem so hard to believe? Who we are as adults has near everything to do with what we were exposed to as children. Our personality is a tapestry - vines of learned behavior that had to navigate their environment to reach the sun. If I need love, and it's not readily available to meet my need, my 'vine' that seeks the sunlight of love will meander through whatever it needs to for the food of affirmation and gratification that it seeks. Distortions develop. I learn that this is how love is acquired. It is my "truth", anything else is either a lie or fantasy or weak or... something. "It's just not who I am." I may appear successful or powerful on the outside and not realize I'm oblivious to an inner world that desperately needs my attention.
This doesn't always mean we didn't receive love from our parents. Many of us were loved. Sometimes it's about differing needs or lack of structure or substance abuse in the home.
As physical organisms, we grow, survive and evolve. It's what we were designed to do. That being said, our height, weight and age say nothing of our spiritual development and overall maturity. The human race often misses this detail. Big people must be right, because they are big, right?
Dr. Gabor Mate offers compassion to big people, namely our President, who hurt. Very interesting article.
Dr. Gabor Maté on Donald Trump, Traumaphobia, and Compassion: An Interview
By John Lavitt 12/19/17
What if we replaced the word "addict" with: “A human being who suffered so much that he or she finds in drugs or some other behavior a temporary escape from that suffering"?
I love the United States of America. I love my country. I also recognize that we can be brats. There are far too many big people who have child-versions-of-themselves rattling around inside at the controls. It's very deceptive. Children hanging out in a house of skin that automatically grew larger can give one the impression that growing takes no effort at all.
How many 30-somethings are on parents couches because the inside stuff stayed little, insecure and accommodated while the outside stuff kept growing? Cells duplicated and now the world sees an "adult" where the inside child cowers. The kid doesn't know how to do life as an adult, maybe they saw it but they never learned how to do it. They watched it and are coming to realize that acting like the idea of an adult isn't enough. It lacks the persistence and resilience born of disappointment and failure along the way. People who feared for their failure saved the day and so they gave them a way.
Looking out at grown-up peers from behind adult eyeballs, a child-mind is trying to win a game where the prize is "I feel as powerful as others SEEM TO FEEL". A child on stilts pretending to be powerful, pretending to be adult, pretending to understand, so they might win the game.
These childish adults don't ever win because they don't understand the true nature of the 'game'. It is child-ish to seek no accountability, but praise and acknowledgement constantly. Being child-like, however, allows both young and old to dream and aspire to greater things. The latter also understands the faith, and the hard (inner AND outer) work that growing up takes. Mature adults understand the impact our actions have on others, and the importance of a structured life that includes a relationship with God. We need mentors, friends, community and we must keep learning.
Much of that sounds dumb to kids. To little people, a lot of that sounds boring. Because kids are, well, kids.
They don't understand, yet. Which is fine - if they are still in small bodies, being held accountable and being guided through life by adults who DO understand. The little ones will learn as they grow.
It is not fine when these things sound dumb to people who who are in positions of power. Which has all too often been the case throughout history.
We are adults.
We have real barriers within us that block our relationships with God and with others. We must learn to recognize them and be willing to work toward building tunnels through them if we are to all grow, survive, and evolve together.
Have you ever watched a movie and the acting was so bad that you kept getting pulled out of the story line? Or you give it the ten-minute rule and end up turning it off in 3 minutes because the story line and the acting was so poor that you ultimately decided to change the channel? This is my experience with politics.
To remedy the in-congruence of our inner development and our outer life, we needn’t DWELL on difficult experiences in childhood but we must acknowledge them as adults and re-frame them with what we know today. When we re-frame our child's needs into something we can NOW provide ourselves through healthy community rather than being resentful for something we never got, then we can grow from said perceived deficiencies, challenges or abuses.
Blame is unnecessary. Everyone does the best they know how to do.
When we do attempt this work, ego will build Trump-sized towers between our sacred intellect and our spirit's heart - to keep us from getting to an honest assessment of our inner selves. To keep us from honoring the fact that we accomplish more through cooperation than competition.
Ego often perceives concession and vulnerability as weakness. In this context, to accommodate either is like hiring an assassin aimed at ego and it's identity. A frightened, stubborn, or threatened ego (child) will often "pfffft" at the touchy-feely liberal shit that is aroused in this post.
Interesting, because the power of love, cooperation, access to gratitude and vulnerability have all been validated through science to serve well-being.
If our life is not what we want it to be, we must re-frame our life story and put intentional effort toward growth. We can't do this work for anyone else, and focusing explicitly on how we are angered at others immaturity is toxic to ourselves and those around us.
When we do the work for ourselves, we are less likely to choose, as leader of the free world, a big person who hasn't recognized the need to do this work for themselves.
This kind of spiritual development doesn't happen in a silo. Ego likes to be alone and 'right'. Therefore this inner evolution is best accomplished in the context of faith and community.
I don’t feel anger or hatred toward our President. I feel compassion, and I am aware of the implications of his actions on this country. That is all.