The older I get & the more coffee I drink...



I have to wake up in the mornings and stretch so that my body will cooperate during the day. Literally. I'm not saying I OUGHT to wake up and stretch... I'm saying if I don't I will make all kinds of noises all day as I move. I will hurt. I will be uncomfortable. I also need to spend some time in prayer and meditation every morning. Not I OUGHT to, I need to if I'm going to make any sense of the day. I have been partially resentful of the effort it takes as I get older to be comfortable in my body. I've had to learn to re-frame a lot of what the world throws at me, to respond to life rather than react to it. I've had to learn how to own my 'stuff' and provide others the space to experience theirs.

Adulting means being responsible in so many ways, and I don't wanna. *pout*

Then I re-framed it. My body makes noises. My body needs attention because it's uncomfortable. I need to connect with God before I move into my day because my soul needs attention because people make it uncomfortable.

All the noises my body makes, that's been God nudging at me. To adult. That's been God saying, ok, now you are a big girl and you have a voice and I'll slip it out of you whenever you forget that you have a responsibility to use it.

I watch as women find their voices publicly, saying the things we've never been able to say. Saying the things I've been afraid to say on stage because they might offend, or incite or acknowledge a truth that we aren't accustomed to hold as a society.

Then I watched Amy Schumer make a video about sexy women and the fact that asses are made into sexual objects, and all of what is created in the pressure of women to be sexual objects and... she makes a video that says, "this is where the poop comes out"... At first I was so turned off, like, come on. How immature, what trash... but I started to get it. What a profound and courageous video. What a profound and brilliant use of the platform comedy gives us. She made an offensive video. One that says, "my ass is not for you to objectify or judge or place in a hierarchy of other asses that makes me and all little girls feel inadequate until we are praised bye the shape of our asses in the media... no. my ass is for pooping. It has a function for my well being. It is my ass and it has a purpose that has noting to do with the size or shape of the cheeks it bears... there's a hole. It's where the poop comes out.

What makes that video offensive? That she points out the purpose of a butt. She dares to take the ass of a woman and re-define it in a culture that has objectified it as belonging to and serving someone else, using a hole for their satisfaction in sex, using MY BODY, a woman's body for their purposes... arm candy... esteem... it's my ass. It's where the poop comes out. It's that sexy.

Sarah Silvermans new show, I love you America. I appreciate what she's doing... I support her courageous effort to step outside of what 'she's supposed to be doing'. She's SAYING something.

I was frustrated when I did comedy because it seemed I had to be a Lisa Lampanelli to get anywhere, and it didn't align with my soul.

I want to build community. Connection. Esteem. I can't do that by deprecation. I can't do that by getting people to laugh at the most horrible things in my life if their laughter doesn't liberate me but further imprisons me to my shame.

Thank you to the young, bright new female comics who don't think twice about empowering us with your jokes. Thank you to the young people throwing all caution to the wind in dismantling the constructs that have allowed social hierarchy to exist. Like GENDER. I watch as these young people call themselves it and them... defying the simple catagorization of male and female. They say you don't get to decide how I identify that.

I believe this is the Holy Spirit breaking through saying 'spirit has not stationary gender. spirit is fluid. a human vessel contains a fluid spirit and that fluidity allows for attraction to and love from other spirits, not other physical vessels.

I'm watching as the spirit of the universe is breaking through our constructs from the tongues of women, and from the mouths of babes. What an exciting time to be alive.

My body is making noises. I am gaining courage to use my voice.

#gay #women #adulting #sexuality #holyspirit #God #comedy

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