Inevitable vs. Optional

BLOG SERIES Posts from yesterdays - from the archives.

I promised myself I'd write regularly, so I need to write this blog. Don't misunderstand. I am a writer. I LOVE to write, but I've put some 'have-to's' on my writing of late that I've not found the discipline to honor in the past. But I'm trying to grow, to do things that are uncomfortable to create new habits. Therefore at the moment writing feels like a chore rather than a joy. The joy returns shortly after I've begun, but looking down the barrel of the keyboard, it doesn't feel friendly. So. I have ten minutes left on my Pomodoro timer app so I'll use it to eat the ugly frog and then I can move on, having made some progress. I have another ugly frog to eat too, so I can do that on my 15 minute break...HUH?

First: Pomodoro Timer is a tool I've come across in my recent efforts to manage my time better. The ugly frog bit is something I gathered in the same recent efforts, and typically I find it's exercise or chores that qualify. Having defined these two things for you, I must confess that I still haven't eaten the ugly frog in my path (sweeping is on the chore list)... and my Pomodoro Timer ended and now I've re-set the 25 minutes and my goal is to complete this blog within this burst, and edit it within the next. Between the 25 minute groups are 5 minute breaks. On the first I went to the restroom and did 20 squats. On the next I will take the dog out and kiss my wife. OK. On to writing the blog:

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Growing up is hard to do.

It is a cycle of Learn-Practice-Become Confident (LPBC), be exposed to new ideas & information (Exposure), Consider-Wrestle-Argue-Concede (CWAC) , UNLEARN-Integrate-Practice-Humility (UIPH), repeat. Life is utterly exhausting which is why many of us (subconsciously?) choose not to participate in all legs of the cycle. Many people alive today decide as children what is true in order to survive or make sense of their world. They grow into conviction of those decisions and EGO will not allow them the humility to change their minds. Therefore they go from "Belief + LPBC-Exposure-CWAC-UIPH= smile and overeat. smile and over-sugar. smile and over drink, sex, gamble, snort, help, work, etc... It is the OVER that medicates the discomfort born of fear to consider what we discover in Exposure. We live with restlessness when we employ a lack of willingness to participate in the whole cycle. We are afraid to change AND grow. We pretend change is a choice and we advocate that standing firm is an asset. (It is my hope that we, as the human race are beginning to realize this and find the courage to live in changed - vulnerability and cooperation - thereby setting the stage for this next evolution).

It's why I chose this quote for the image today. "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." The cycle is real and necessary to grow. To grow is the point. Grow in reliance upon Spirit, not on Self. Growth toward each other rather than isolated from. Growth takes courage and risk and faith. That said, the cycle is sometimes very difficult. Challenging. Painful. And wonderful too!

The process doesn't look too painful there on the page, but it's not a straight line through. We often fight and argue to hold onto the idea we've grown confident in. It's become a large part of my identity, this way of seeing things and I don't want to concede to your idea because then things get messy. Lines cross and melt away, Human and Social Constructs crumble... because even in the face of new information, I don't want to start over. I don't want to believe that what I thought was TRUE is only a small piece of what is TRUE. Damn it. It just takes so much energy to decide and act on the decision in the first place. Friends grow up around the ideas attached to the decision.

What is TRUE is so much larger than I will ever know, witness, or comprehend. Once I have gone through the Learn-Practice-BecomeConfident part of the cycle enough times confronted by new ideas & new information... I stop trying to survive in an argument. I learn to say okay and draw more space into the idea I hold. My idea gets a friend, called 'your idea', and they hang out. When the party becomes large enough and all of the many ideas of TRUE are engaging in the backyard at the barbecue... I find some peace. When I give up WHO is good and bad. WHAT is right and wrong.

We mature as we go through this cycle repeatedly and find acceptance in the not knowing. The wisdom to know that there is peace in allowing the world to unfold around me as it will, well that becomes a lifestyle if you're lucky. I have always been a seeker, since I was a little girl. (read my debut novel?) I believe my faith, however imperfect it has in fact been throughout my life, along with the opportunities afforded me to facilitate healing in jails, prisons, and the streets have been my greatest gifts. I've come to see how clearly we grow. Like a seed that must become a seedling before it becomes a tree, we cannot go from embryo to maturity. We must weather storms of emotion, learning, attachment and faith to grow strong from within. My jobs help me grow.

My last job (the last decade) forced me to learn how to be a compassionate helper while maintaining personal boundaries. I like love more than I like fear, so I struggled dismantling my 'helpfulness' into teaching 'learned helplessness' and the damage that causes. I have had to take compassion and empathy and couple it with critical thinking and structure. The latter of which I've long understood but painfully under-employed. Value of Money (Budget)

Value of Time (budget) Ok. So my new job has me doing a lot of different things and I'm thrilled about it because all of my tasks are in my 'wheelhouse' so to speak. I get to come up with creative solutions to challenging questions, I am in a helping relationship with clients and colleagues, I get to design and produce a magazine, create, propose, discuss and help a team execute a larger vision for the company I work at. All awesome stuff. And it takes a LOT of time management and changing hats and switching gears. So I am always up for the challenge of sharpening my tools.