Seeking Growth

I think too much. I know it's true. I am working on it. That said, there are some things I'd like to develop the discipline to do regularly in my life so that I can be as well as I can be and contribute what I can to this glorious 'stream of life' while I live and breathe.

One thing I'd like to do is to write a blog post each day. I battle with myself about what to write, about why I feel it necessary to write, about why I think anyone would be interested in what I have to say.

I think too much. I know it's true, and yet there it is. I'm still improving and pray to never stop until my last breath. Nike said JUST DO IT. For decades I've loved their shoe and only now I am finally understanding their slogan. It aligns with all of what I have come to believe in life.

• Thinking without action is futile.

• The mind can be a prison.

• Faith without practical application is wasted.

• Love is a verb.

Yada yada yada. So. Thinking is good, to a point. Then one must DO. JUST DO IT. Here's where I am this morning:

I just returned from a 3 weeks cruise in the South of China Sea. I saw wonderful and tragic things (Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand). So many that perhaps I will use a photo a day to inspire my blog?

Where to begin is the trap my 'overthinking' wants me in... lest I never begin. I return home from that experience with a new gratitude and desire to focus on my contribution to this life. I am humbled by the developed world I was born into. I am reminded of the great gifts we take for granted, seemingly simple things like running water, plumbing, garbage services and income.

As an aside, I spent the first 3 days on the ship listening to the audiobook that Robyn Crawford wrote about Whitney Houston, "A song for you". That book left me full of gratitude and insight too, and the opportunity to reflect. It had appeared to my young self that Whitney had all of the things I'd grown up wanting - beautiful mocha cream skin, a loving family, faith, fame, beauty and influence... and that voice. Oh how I imagined having a voice so powerful could carry all of the pain away. I didn't always know that her sexuality was such a point of contention for her. I didn't know all that she went through in misunderstanding her own soul, and ironically, how her voice could not carry the shame/pain away, because it never got to SPEAK all of what hurt.

I am grateful for my sobriety, for the incredible opportunity to work at the job I have, to live in the home that I do, and be entrusted with caring for and supporting an incredible womans heart - that of my wife. I am grateful that I live in a time that allows me to have a wife. That I traveled with a family that both showed up for and paid for our wedding. That I have family who love my wife, my son and I. That I have three beautiful little furry creatures to care for and love.

What a life.

I am grateful.

This morning I'm reflecting on how my spirituality has formed over time, and that if I needed to point to individuals who have truly inspired me with their teachings of spiritual matter, I would need to turn to the following:

• Bill Wilson and Bob Smith - Alcoholics Anonymous

• Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

• Sister Mary Ignatia

• Marty Mann

• Reverend Shoemaker

• Richard Rohr

• Gregory Boyle

• My own family

I am truly inspired by the faith acquired through the lives of these individuals. I have a faith that does not hide the negative aspects of being human. The trouble spots. The struggles. I also believe in a Loving God who created all that is. I believe that if something persists to exist it is because God is in it, and there is value there to be experienced and/or learned from.

I believe that we must acknowledge the physical, human experience/reality in order to initially transcend it and return to it guided by LOVE (spirit) rather than FEAR (ego). We cannot shame what is into loving itself. We cannot shame and damn what is and expect God to be revealed to or through it. We can only LOVE what is and be patient while it untangles itself in the safe space that only LOVE can create. If loved, the God within each can safely seek reunification with itself.

Love is all there is. The rub is how many years it can take to move through the human experience - knowing it well enough to 'uncover, discover and discard' the personal story - to get OVER ourselves, to get out of the way, so that Spirit may use us to generate or make manifest something that serves the greater good through one life.

I heard a man say once, "I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. What else is there?"

I understand the power of that seemingly silly statement now. To be part of a community that has had to face itself (through alcoholism), its own humanity, in order to abandon the lie of EGO to serve the soul of others... The 'one alcoholic can help another alcoholic like no-one else can' and it's recognition that we are imperfect and only after dropping the facade and telling the truth can we begin to build community as 'healers'.

As I face December of 2019 I declare who I'd like to live as going forward:

• One who creates both writing and art.

• One who cares for all aspects of self.

• One who cares for her home.

• One who cares for and knows her family.

• One who speaks Spanish and carries hope to alcoholics who do.

• One who plays piano.

• One who meets pain in others and introduces HOPE and LOVE to all.

• I strive to create safe spaces and simplicity.

Who do you choose to be today?

Amen.