Wanting

Ohhhhhhh the incessant wanting. The wanting of this and that, that and this. I want... It... Them... More... Something different, anything different.

I just want. And I’m tired of it. Where is the peace from the insatiable hole of want? I inventory the things I’ve been taught:

1. As an alcoholic, I am restless, irritable and discontent most of the time without a lot of conscious, daily effort to counter it. That’s a bunch of fancy words for ”my default mode is a painful state of always wanting”.

2. attachment is the source of suffering. Which I believe means that it’s the Wanting to keep what I have or get what I want that creates my suffering.

3. Bloom where you are planted. Make use of what you got and begin... People have done a lot more with a lot less... you get the idea.

In my life, the drive of wanting is merely a distraction from the present moment. It took years for that to be clear. Now recovery is about BEING HERE.